From now on...

Time:09.12pm
Date:16.May.2010
Location:Room 14...



From now on...I will blog what is special day for me and thanks to Fong..who teach me this kind.
By the way...now I'm busy cause...I got to go see her...in her room..while rain tears flow...well...see ya later...


To BE Continued........................

Benny Liew................(Wait...and thanks........)...........................

Deep Light In My Night...

I saw a day who coming through,
She post me a letter and said "How are you?",
But if I ever do to you sending on my two,
Two days one nights will ever do...


Said a breath I ever faint,
It's like fire burns it up,
And got a shout it pop!!,
You won't want to see a slot..

Silence in decade,
Never ever said,
Like a light in pale,
Deep light in my night.....


Benny Liew.........

Last Night On Earth....

I text a postcard, sent to you
Did it go through?
Sending all my love to you.
You are the moonlight of my life every night
Giving all my love to you
My beating heart belongs to you
I walked for miles 'til I found you
I'm here to honor you
If I lose everything in the fire
I'm sending all my love to you.

With every breath that I am worth
Here on Earth
I'm sending all my love to you.
So if you dare to second guess
You can rest assured
That all my love's for you

My beating heart belongs to you
I walked for miles 'til I found you
I'm here to honor you
If I lose everything in the fire
I'm sending all my love to you.

My beating heart belongs to you
I walked for miles 'til I found you
I'm here to honor you
If I lose everything in the fire
Did I ever make it through?

Urge that guilt....

Time:09.24pm
Date:14.May.2010
Location:Room 14...



Like a day...always same..but..all never same..still..it's foolish...sigh...what am I talking about?..Like thinking fire drags as hell...sigh...wish I was not do anything...




Time:04.30am
Location:Room 14...

I did not sleep at all...just only an hour...but...my eyes were pale against my nightmares...I can't stand it anymore...
If he gone...was he really want me so bad????
Man in the cloak...tell me...why...are you doing this??...and there is no answer at all...

Date:11.May.2010
Location:Psychiatry Hospital...


I went there...and threat myself there...I left Wendy home...and left two days...alone...

Time:09.00am
Location:On the way...

I was walking at the streets and went to the private hospital and get threat.The doctor tells me that...I always get intense and always impatient as I told him what happen to me...and he said.."Rest only...don't think much.." and gave me a small bottle of pills and a small doze of inject...everything cost me RM120.00...

Then...

I return home...and saw Wendy alone home with everyone and she was worry about me..and I know...I will do what is best for you...

Today....

Time:05.00pm
Location:Hall...


All useless mites!!...I hate when...nevermind...I don't care after all...not Bella's fault nor everyone...it's my fault...geez....what have I done now?..Who cares??All be OKAY!!....kinda.....maybe..it's fate...not fate...just...mistake...kinda....
And also..I quit for the singing in teacher's day...I don't want to know it anymore....I just quit...quit only...quit to free.......

Time:06.00pm
Location:School...still...

I still waiting for someone send me..but he and she did not came yet....and I keep on wait.....

Time:06.50pm
Location:Still in canteen....


I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!..and I didn't care what am I doing and walk home...back to the villa by myself....
I walk till the hospital...and Ka Zi just call me and ask me where am I??...I told with my soft tone..and tell her I was at hospital side....so..I wait for her at the playground....

Time:07.50pm
Location:Home...room 14...

Finally....home...and had a good hot soak in hot water....what a fresh....and went back to my room and change...and look at my laptop...that my files was finish download....
Then...I look at Wendy room...and saw her....she was alone...I went to her room..and ask her if anything...happens.
She came near me..and ask me...what happen to me..and I hold her shoulder it was nothing...and she put her palm on my face and said..."Don't make me worry..okay?"
I just look down...and I had nothing to answer just to keep my answer in my head...just in case....not to make her worse...sigh...


Time:09.00pm
Location:Room 14...

I went back to my room and look at my books...and I threw it one side...so I can make my anger feel better that away before.
I just flow my tears because of everything I did last time....Lawrence...Wendyll...me...and time...pass.....tik tok tik tok....and it won't stop...
I wish my twins was here...making us easier...sigh....
I was very disappointed...a little not much...but..I look at her....make me warm and fuzzy..but we both..only a year...like fate...and lost...what have I done?
Well...

Time:NOW...
Location:Room 14...

Maybe Wendy went to bed already...and I...now hearing rock Green Day songs so I can make my mind a little better...not to much of sad song...
A little waste but still...I don't care....I just care my future...the world...the generation life and so on....hopefully...everyone will do understand...

Now...........I seating here...blogging...and feeling my guilt...for myself...sigh...maybe....time just tick...and time...is short by the way......


To Be Continued.....................................

Benny Liew........(Guilty is not a duty...just who we are....)...........................

Remember what we are..

Time:11.40pm
Date:12.May.2010
Location:Room 14...



I just realized...that...I was not remember much about it from today...well...after all..it was 5 years...I can't do what it takes.It like being ascend from hell...and save from heaven.
I look at left and right...is my shoulder clean??Or it is dirty??..Maybe the both are.
I read my book...and look at my novels...are those my future??Maybe not be sure yet but nevertheless...I will hope on it.
I look at the portrait photo...is she mine??Maybe not...because...we won't know what happen...and I remember Fong and Riby and friends..family...will they be gone infront me??...I also don't know...what is WRONG with me!??

I can't remember yet...all I do is Lawrence...and the dreams the heresy me from NOW!!
Damn it all of'em!!!
I cried...and cried..and stand...and stand...and look at my hands...it was useless....
What am I talking???I suppose to go on not turn back...maybe...our relationship is lost..maybe what did the man in my nightmare was true...and I look at you all...it was useless hope...maybe...I was wrong...maybe..you all are my hope but will it be.....gone???
I don't know..what happen but...if my hope lies where my destiny has go on...is my life...useless???
But no matter what....Wendy..you..and my family....I know.....what is hope and destiny...and now...I will ascend from here...and wait...for the day of myself in a place I call.............HOME....


To Be Continued.....................................

Benny Liew.....................................(Never...and ever...seems to be one day....).................

In a mood of return....(Trip I had on now..)...

Time:09.08pm
Date:12.May.2010
Location:Room 14.....



In many signs today...I had return for my blog about my life...for the last time..I thought...I won't blog anymore but now???...Huh!!...What a day...and today...very special day to me and myself indeed....and she...smile at me like I do as the sky making us brighter..

Today...is a better way...and a good day...


Time:02.30pm
Location:Front door...


I was waiting for Wendy....and she arrived....looking at her is one precious thing...but...a year is not one special way...who cares..as my heart is go on..and so it will.

I help her take her bag up...and she ask me why am I not going to school and I told her....errr......ooops...busted!!!...
I just tell her I was tired and it was the most silly answer I had.She just smiled at me and laugh a while...and I went to her room..put her bag down and walk with her for a moment.I saw Miss.Landlady mopping the floor.
I ask her if she need any help and she said she just call me to carry the pails at the corner...and I did it..with a simple job.She thanked me and I told her if need anymore help just call me.
Wendy told me she had to bath and she ask me later want go out to town..and I accept...as she wanted to.


Time:04.50pm
Location:Room 14.....

I was changing my cloth...and look at the mirror with my cool looking hair...and I look myself...with my new suite tie...and suddenly...I heard a knock on the door...it was her and Ka Zi.
She looks gorgeous in that sort jeans and long boots..with her cute Japanese looking cloth.She ask me if I'm ready and I said almost...and she said she'll be waiting outside for a while.I told her only one minute...cause I wanna download all the Green Day's album...from 39/Smooth to 21st Century Breakdown...hehe...

Later...I leave my laptop on and went outside and change my shoes.....my favorite shoes...

Time:05.20pm
Location:Town.....


Ka Zi leave us at the post office and we wave her goodbye..and I ask her why are we here?She held my hand and take me to a place..where couple always come here and eat...and she bring friends too....waiting her at Ah Tok restaurant....she bring 2 girls and 1 boy..that I don't know them....and everyone introduce each other...and shake hands...and the boy seems looks like kind but he was wearing earing and bandanna on his head....
Later...we order food and I ordered fish and chip..and she ordered chicken chop..and honestly...I don't like chicken chop.
The two girls were order lamb chop and the boy ordered steak that smells so juicy and thick.
We all were talking each other and talking about life in school...how I meet her and my memories not so clear now...it seems I almost forget what happen...
Then...we all had refreshment of cool drinks and I ask the boy..who is her girlfriend..and he hold the next girl with glasses hand..and said she was...and I was surprise how honest he was.
Later...one of the girls told me that after this will be a great night to watch basketball match and I told her we will not going cause...we all had to sleep early...and we all got to go.
Then...I ask the shopkeeper to give the bill...and everyone want to pay...and I told them...I pay it all..cause...my mood has up!!
Wendy hold my hand and told me that you're too kind but don't be too kind!!!I shake hand with the boy and the two girls and tell them see ya!!They both seems went to watching people battle basketball.

Time:08.00pm
Location:Home.............


I walk with her at the field....and she was turning around look at her...was her childhood side...hmm...maybe...she was not belong to me yet...but...I not so sure...yet!!
Then...Ka Zi send me a message that she'll coming soon at the field..so..I held her hand...and walk with her outside....and kiss her cheek only..and Ka Zi arrived..take us...home...

Time:Now....
Location:Home...room 14...


Now...we arrived at home...and Wendy thanked me and hug me...tight and my face were red...and she release me and I told her goodnight..and kiss her...lips..and maybe...this is the fate I got...sigh..........I went to my room..and she look happy and ran to her room and bath...
Then...I went to bath...change and look at my laptop...all my downloads has finish..and I was happy..

I look left..and her room..and I know she was sleeping...and I wanna told her...honest about myself...but I can't tell her.Maybe...I tell her at the end...and the end...I hope she won't cry...


Well...looks like I got to go now...cause...now I am tired...drunk love and a lot of things want to do.....well...see you all...on later...off later....see ya!!


To Be Continued..............................

Benny Liew.......................(On a road I heed...is the way I going in deep...)..........