Urge that guilt....

Time:09.24pm
Date:14.May.2010
Location:Room 14...



Like a day...always same..but..all never same..still..it's foolish...sigh...what am I talking about?..Like thinking fire drags as hell...sigh...wish I was not do anything...




Time:04.30am
Location:Room 14...

I did not sleep at all...just only an hour...but...my eyes were pale against my nightmares...I can't stand it anymore...
If he gone...was he really want me so bad????
Man in the cloak...tell me...why...are you doing this??...and there is no answer at all...

Date:11.May.2010
Location:Psychiatry Hospital...


I went there...and threat myself there...I left Wendy home...and left two days...alone...

Time:09.00am
Location:On the way...

I was walking at the streets and went to the private hospital and get threat.The doctor tells me that...I always get intense and always impatient as I told him what happen to me...and he said.."Rest only...don't think much.." and gave me a small bottle of pills and a small doze of inject...everything cost me RM120.00...

Then...

I return home...and saw Wendy alone home with everyone and she was worry about me..and I know...I will do what is best for you...

Today....

Time:05.00pm
Location:Hall...


All useless mites!!...I hate when...nevermind...I don't care after all...not Bella's fault nor everyone...it's my fault...geez....what have I done now?..Who cares??All be OKAY!!....kinda.....maybe..it's fate...not fate...just...mistake...kinda....
And also..I quit for the singing in teacher's day...I don't want to know it anymore....I just quit...quit only...quit to free.......

Time:06.00pm
Location:School...still...

I still waiting for someone send me..but he and she did not came yet....and I keep on wait.....

Time:06.50pm
Location:Still in canteen....


I HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!!..and I didn't care what am I doing and walk home...back to the villa by myself....
I walk till the hospital...and Ka Zi just call me and ask me where am I??...I told with my soft tone..and tell her I was at hospital side....so..I wait for her at the playground....

Time:07.50pm
Location:Home...room 14...

Finally....home...and had a good hot soak in hot water....what a fresh....and went back to my room and change...and look at my laptop...that my files was finish download....
Then...I look at Wendy room...and saw her....she was alone...I went to her room..and ask her if anything...happens.
She came near me..and ask me...what happen to me..and I hold her shoulder it was nothing...and she put her palm on my face and said..."Don't make me worry..okay?"
I just look down...and I had nothing to answer just to keep my answer in my head...just in case....not to make her worse...sigh...


Time:09.00pm
Location:Room 14...

I went back to my room and look at my books...and I threw it one side...so I can make my anger feel better that away before.
I just flow my tears because of everything I did last time....Lawrence...Wendyll...me...and time...pass.....tik tok tik tok....and it won't stop...
I wish my twins was here...making us easier...sigh....
I was very disappointed...a little not much...but..I look at her....make me warm and fuzzy..but we both..only a year...like fate...and lost...what have I done?
Well...

Time:NOW...
Location:Room 14...

Maybe Wendy went to bed already...and I...now hearing rock Green Day songs so I can make my mind a little better...not to much of sad song...
A little waste but still...I don't care....I just care my future...the world...the generation life and so on....hopefully...everyone will do understand...

Now...........I seating here...blogging...and feeling my guilt...for myself...sigh...maybe....time just tick...and time...is short by the way......


To Be Continued.....................................

Benny Liew........(Guilty is not a duty...just who we are....)...........................