The night sky has pass.I was awake one whole night.Did not sleep for 43 hours.Keep on awake on this pathetic nightmares.Keep on doing things like I shouldn't do.
This son of a bitch..disturb me..always...what he wanted is just to release my hatred.I also want to know who is him in my dreams that wearing a black long cloak..
Now...I keep on being fierce and fiercer than usual.I keep on become mad always that I cannot control my anger.I was like a demon.
Date:17,July.2007...(After the death of Lawrence)
Wendy and I were at the hospital.Lawrence was weak and his condition is certain death.When I saw Wendy held Lawrence hand,her tears were flowing till her cheek and begin to cry.I know what is feeling to be if we lost a friend or a brother.
When Lawrence drop his last breath...Wendy kiss his hand and hug me.
She told me one thing"Will you be with me?"
I told her..."I don't know but I know we will be together.I'm sorry"
When Auntie Nancy know her son died,she cried silently and disappear in a trace.The doctor tell us there is no hope for him anymore.
But I know...I can't live with her anymore and I had choose my pathway.
Date:20,July.2007
Location: Raub,Graveyard...
It was the first visit graveyard on him.I did not cry but I was hurt deeply inside that 1000 times I can't feel my happiness.That is where the last time I will meet him and her.
I leave one step away and go.
When I was at home..I leave alone and stay inside the room for a long time.I can't eat,sleep even hard to study.
Then,I became fierce...alone...did not talk to anyone and stay alone in the room.
Date:07,January.2008...
It was my first year to in Form 1.I certainly stay where I wanted.I stay here cause I want to study.
But...can I meet Wendy back or maybe can I meet her again in someday..I wish I could..
I follow my choices that I will go stand alone but I don't know how.Will we re-meet again or not??
Never mind....I certainly sure we can re-meet.
Date:11.December.2009
I started to repeat this nightmare that always cause me cannot sleep for almost the whole night.
I know it was camp that time.I fainted there and i almost lost my breath.I feeling so weak and unconsciously I losing my breath.
It was 50 second....I can't breath.Am I dead?Am I lost?Am I dying??
I don't know exactly what happen.
Then...I heard many voice come from my mind and saying my name.."Ben...."
Date:01,January.2010
I wish I could wish Wendy and Lawrence Happy New Year.It was New Year...a year of satisfying myself...When I watch the clear moon...it reminds me that I,Wendy and Lawrence going moon watching at a garden.I try to forget it but I can't.
Date:4,March.2010
I dying to know more.It was hard and complicated.I try to study hard my my brains hard to work out!!
Date:5,March.2010
Then i met this girl...named Riby...almost like my best friend but the weird thing is...how??
Hmm...I also don't know...we shared many many thing together include our own self.And also I very long never met my foster brother,Fong...now 18 still working and waiting for his graduation.I know he is smart as always.
Date:11,march.2010
It was SPM graduation day...Fong got 9A's and a B.I was proud to hear that.Jeez...if like this...I wanna study hard too.And also I wanna be a better person one day.
Date:13,March.2010
Happy Birthday,Wendy...I wish I will by your side but I can't met you anymore...I'm sorry.I wish I can find you somehow...
Date:14,March.2010
Then...I want to meet Riby before the last day I will go on to my career.I remember that Taman Tasik..I always go there with Wendy and Lawrence see the sunsets and fishing there.But that was long ago.
And also Riby...I know...Thanks a lot...
Date:21,March.2010
It was a long journey...I must return to Raub...meet my friends and my dad.I was happy that I arrived home safely.
But I received a call from my phone...it was...Wendy....and asking me..."I want to meet you....and can we go out this Sunday?"
I was shocked and happy to hear that...
To Be Continued....==''
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